Most recently, I’ve changed my outlook on social norm rituals such as celebrating birthdays, holidays, and government official holidays made up to remember a ” who-gives-a-fuck” moment from history ( except for Martin Luther King Jr. Day of course.) I have pulled myself away from it all but old habits don’t break very easy. Even though I had my mind made up that I wouldn’t observe the day my eternal soul was entrapped in my tangible, hot, beautiful body; I still wanted someone who was still into all of that stuff to possibly give 1 fuck…. just one. I’m not greedy.
I woke up on my day of birth anniversary and didn’t feel any different. Not that I expected my bones to be stiff or a patch of gray hair to grew over night, but I did expect some type of “aha moment” that would enlighten my dark expectations for the future. But nope…. it didn’t happen. My cell phone filled with notifications from social media, SMS text, missed calls and voicemails. I was actually given lots of fucks that day but it still did not make me feel any different.
That weekend I tried to have a shin-dig with some people that I met from different seasons. It was like a cry of desperation to feel apart of “normal-cy” with the rest of the people around me. But still the same feeling….Damn, I’m too conscious to enjoy all the bullshit that I used to drown in…Too awake to be asleep again. The whole thing was agonizing. No one recognized the new me. “What’s wrong?” the shin-dig goers would ask between each song and drinking game. “My eyes are open, Sorry” was how I DIDN’T respond. “Oh, nothing” was how I actually responded. Later that night, I got into a fight with my live-in penis. I looked in his phone when he fell asleep and discovered the most expected thing from a person like him: some “typical-man” shit. Surprisingly, I didn’t react and didn’t care. Like I really did not care about it or anything else that had been bothering me throughout the night or the days prior to my birthday. It had hit me. That moment of maturity landing on me like a ton of bricks….the moment of relief that I’d never felt before…..I DON’T GIVE A FUCK ….not even one. I’ve gained something called mind control. My mind controls my reality. I choose my reality in my mind.
I possessed this power the whole time and now I am ready to use my internal superpower to raise my thoughts into a full conception. The world is mine. I know this now. Therefore, thank you but no thank you: So everyone please don’t give me any fucks (unless you want to) but I don’t need them.
I am presuming my Journey to Thirty to be fairly short but I know that I will learn a lot along the way. Keep reading…..Peace